The Miller's Tale Rewritten

fabliau - They are generally characterized by sexual and scatological obscenity, and by a set of contrary attitudes

moral - Old men should not marry beautiful young women.

setting - Oxford, which is a big university town, which is important because it draws a lot of young men who might try and seduce the carpenter's wife.

Tone - the narrator which is the miller, take an objective tone while telling the story. The miller never tried to hint at when you should be laughing, feeling bad, or feeling happy.

Allusion - There was an allusion to Noah's flood and king Solomon.

motif - Romance, there are three men John, Nicholas, and Absolon were all in love with Alisoun.

    The Miller is a huge person with a red beard, large black nostrils, a big mouth, and big hairy mole right on his nose. He is a lower class citizen that is very strong but not too bright. The miller has a vulgar sense of humor, this is re enforced with his story which relies heavily on vulgarity. The miller uses the tale in order to take a jab at the reeve who is a carpenter.

    There was once a rich old carpenter by the name of John who lived in the town of Oxford. The carpenter rented a spare room to a poor student, who majored in astrology and geomancy, thats a fancy word for fortune telling. The students name was Nicholas, his room was filled with herbs a astronomic-textbooks. In the corner of his room was a harp which he could play beautifully and was frequently complemented. Not too long before this, the carpenter married a beautiful young eighteen year old woman by the name of Alisoun, which he loved dearly and never let out of his sight, because he was very jealous and worried about what a woman like herself would do in a town filled with young scholars.

One day the carpenter left for work in Oseney, while he was gone Nicholas viewed this opportunity as his chance to try and seduce the married Alisoun. When the two were alone Nicholas grabbed Alisoun tightly and proclaimed, “If I cannot have my way with you I will die of heartbreak!” He then pulled her in closer and pleaded, “Oh please love me now or I’ll die!”

Alisoun was very shocked and said, “Unhand me Nicholas! I will not give you a kiss! Let me go now, or I will scream for help, loud enough for the neighbors to hear!”

Nicholas was very persistent and cunning, she eventually gave in and promised to love him, but only when it was safe so that her husband wouldn’t find out. Alisoun was worried that if he were to find out, that he would try and kill her. Nicholas reassured her, “don’t you worry, a young scholar like myself doesn’t have to use much brain power in order to trick a simple carpenter.”  They both agreed to wait for the right moment, kissed, and Nicholas proceeded to merrily play his harp.

A holiday came and Alisoun went to church in order to worship christ, That’s when a clerk named Absolon noticed her. He was a young man with curly blonde hair, he had grey eyes, and wore his clothes very neatly. Absolon was very good at dancing and well versed in many different instruments. This boy was also fond of Alisoun, so much so that when it came to collection, he took nothing from her. From then on he went outside her window every night to serenade her and play the guitar. Alisoun and her husband could hear Absolon but did not acknowledge him. He knew that his love was not enough to woo Alisoun so he began sending her sweet wine, mead, spicy ale, wafers, jars of honey, and even money. But all with no avail because she was in love with Nicholas and only saw Absolon as her own private ape that did as she pleased.

John once again went to Osney, Nicholas grabbed a plate of food, enough to last him a day or two. Before locking himself in his room he told Alisoun that when the carpenter returned to tell him that he had not been out of his room once and that he might be sick, also that the maid had knocked on his door many times but he didn’t answer.

John returned and was baffled to why he had not seen Nicholas for a long while. He sent a servant boy to go check on him, the boy pounded on the door with a heavy brick, but didn’t hear a noise. He looked through a small hole in the door and saw Nicholas laying on his back staring at the sky. The boy returned to John and told him what he had seen. The carpenter believed that Nicholas had seen a terrible future while studying the stars and proclaimed, “God has secrets that we shouldn’t know, and blessed are the simple, we need only to know enough to fulfill our duty to god.”

The carpenter couldn’t but help worrying about Nicholas’s wellbeing, so he and the servant went up stairs to try and force the door open. The two pushed against the door until it came off the hinges and fell to the ground. Nicholas still hadn't moved an inch John went over to him and started to shake him and yell, “get up Nicholas this is not how you should act, this is not how christ would want you to act.”

After much effort Nicholas finally spoke, “must it come to pass, must this world come to an end, go fetch some liquor and I will tell you what is troubling me.”

The carpenter returned with some hard ale and once both of them had their fill Nicholas explained what was the matter, “I have been studying to moon and have found that come monday night it will rain twice as hard as Noah’s flood, the whole world will be gone!” he said.

The carpenter was shocked. “No! My wife!” he exclaimed. “Is she going to drown? No, no, not my Alison! Isn’t there anything we can do?”

“Yes there is,” answered Nicholas “listen very carefully and do as I command, without doubt. You must get three wooden tubs, for each of us and fill each with enough food and drink to last a day, for that is how long the flood will last. Lastly, you will need to tie each one up off the ground in the attic. Keep an axe with you in order to cut the ropes at my command and we will float to safety like Noah’s Ark.” He explained. Nicholas also told him not to tell anyone else and not to ask him why, because it was one of god’s secrets. The carpenter then hurried off to get to work.

Monday night was almost there and the carpenter had done as he was told, before they climbed into their tubs Nicholas had one last request, “tonight we must spent our time in silence using it only to pray, also you and your wife must be spaced apart as to not be tempted to sin, this is gods will.”

They all agreed on this term, and went silently into their tubs. After a long time that the carpenter fell asleep during his prayers. Once Alisoun and Nicholas could hear John snoring, they secretly climbed out of their tubs and into the carpenter’s bed below and made love until just before dawn.

While this was going on Absolon was in Osney with his friends, where he asks if they knew anything about John and Alisoun. His friends said that they didn’t know anything, except that they hadn’t seen the carpenter for a while and that he might be out of town.

“Tonight’s my chance to make it with Alisoun,” he thought, “I will climb up to her window just before sunrise and express my love for her, I should be able to get a kiss at the least.”      

Just before dawn Absolon quickly make his way to Alisoun’s bedroom window, just as he had planned, he softly knocked on the pane and whispered. “Hello? Sweet Alison? Honeycomb? My beautiful bird, my sweet cinnamon? Wake up, my darling, and speak to me. You don’t know how much I want you, how much I need you. I break out in a sweat just thinking about you. I don’t eat, and I melt when I see you. I’m like a lamb that craves its mother’s milk. I’m so lovesick for you that I’m like a lost turtledove without its mate.”

Irritated Alisoun replied, “get away from my window you fool! I am not coming to kiss you, I don’t love you I love someone else! Let me sleep or I will start throwing rocks at you.”

“No, no, do not throw rocks at me,” Absolon pleaded. “Just give me but one kiss as a parting gift and I will leave you be.”

Alisoun agreed, but what he didn’t know was she had no intentions of kissing him. In the dark of night she opened her window panes and stuck out her naked rear end, “your kiss is waiting for you”

Absolon leaned in and kissed deep into her bum, he then jumped back both surprised and disgusted. Furious he quickly went to the local blacksmith and borrowed red hot piece of iron and hurried back to Alisoun’s window. He again asked for another kiss, “may I have another kiss, the first was far to sweet, I cannot resist another.”

instead Nicholas opened the window and stuck out his bare rump ad ripped one. Absolon quickly drove the hot metal into one of the scholars bare cheeks, searing his flesh and melting his fat. Nicholas fell forward and squealed so loud everyone in the neighborhood could hear. It was so loud in fact I awoke the carpenter who, thinking there was a flood cut the ropes to his tub and fell to the ground with a crash.

Alisoun and Nicholas ran into the street calling for help, everyone in the town came to help, but what they found was the carpenter knocked out with a broken arm. When he came to he tried to explain how there was going to be a flood, so he put bathtubs in his attic in order to sail away. Nobody believed him infact everyone laughed in his face, claiming that he was a crazy old man.

“And everyone among them laughed and joked.

And so the carpenter’s wife was truly poked,

As if his jealousy to justify,

And Absolon has kissed her nether eye

And Nicholas is branded on the bum

           And God bring all of us to Kingdom Come.